Identifying Major Fashion Groups

As I walk through Century High School, I seem to be misunderstanding one thing--why does everybody look alike? They seem to all be a part of an army, a filthy stinking rich army bent on ridding the world of fashion-incompetence. Am I missing something? Everybody looks alike? It's okay, I'm not doing anything wrong. Most people at Century ARE like this. They're called Preps.

There are four basic fashion clics, or groups, at Century. Many, many more exist in the world, but at Century, students are not that creative.

Preps refer to anybody whose parents or appear to make over $150,000 a year. They are easily recognizable by the reflection of said salary in their attire. To them, $150 for two socks is reasonable. The clothes do wonders for their self-esteem; you will often see Preps strutting, chin held high, eyes closed. In the presence of other Preps, they compliment each other on their expensive clothes. This never ending cycle makes some people barf, but it is a way of life for well over 75% of Century students. Mostly girls.

Emo is the rarest group at Century due to its correlation with income. Many goths at Century are also in this category because they fail a few prerequisites for being true goth - they shower more than once a month and they haven't committed suicide yet.

Preemoes are a hybrid group of students, seemingly born in the Junior class, of people who have converted to a semi-depressed attitude, partially because of their hard classes and inconsiderate friends, and partially because of the added stress of having to care about what to wear. The Preemo style is indistinguishable, but people to devote themselves to this type of style tend to cut their hair ridiculously, and sometimes a substantial amount of black makeup, most namely eyeliner. One theory is that one tin of eyeliner is enough for one day of makeup application. Preemo is also hard to decipher because many Preps go in and out of a Preemo phase, thus the portmanteau combined-word reference to these two groups.

And then, there's Everybody else. Some people would mistakenly a majority of bandies into the prep category. While there is a large number of preps in band indeed, overall the majority of people are indifferent about their clothes. Regrettably most of these people end up showing up as prep, due to their jeans and occasional polo shirts.

So in conclusion, think about what group you belong to. At Century, it's easy to tell. If you're not Emo, you're prep.

(Disclaimer: These groups do not represent all students at Century. Only 95% of them.

Dr. Seuss Has Problems

I work in a grocery store and while stocking the shelves I noticed something very interesting. You see I was putting cans of "Beef Hash" on the shelf and it hit me like a ton of bricks. Beef Hash is made out of beef. Nothing scary about that. But for anyone who has ever seen "How the Grinch Stole Christmas" it's serious shit. Remember when he steals all of the peoples food? He stole a can of "Who Hash". Think about that. The people in the movie are not called humans, they're called "Whos". So if beef hash is made of beef than logically who hash is made of WHOS! The Whos are cannibals! They eat each other on Christmas! What was Dr. Seuss trying to tell us!?

The Second Post

So a friend of mine learns how to use the webber-net and suddenly we're journalists.
My 'column' is entitled Pulp Philosophy. It will be about some things, not others.
Heres a bit of pulp philosophy for you: If you hang a picture at an angle intentionally, no one can ever say you did it wrong.
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The First Post

Welcome to The Weekly Hobo! Here myself and my highly trained team of researchers, writers, scientists, and political analysts, all work around the clock to bring you, the loyal reader, news, stories, and entertainment. For those of you who are not 100% Internet literate, that means that we're a bunch of guys/girls who all live in our mothers basement and we feel the need to post our unimportant thoughts here in the hopes that someone somewhere will read them and then something will happen. We don't care what, just something.

Sincerely Yours,

Ellusionist